Hi I am finally back with a post
I had this great conversation with one of my friends, let’s call her Alice, yesterday and I thought I should get some opinions from you people… I am just going to type in exactly what we SMSed each other, thank God for SMSs I don’t have to worry about remembering every little detail
A prologue to that conversation would be to answer why we talked about that particular thing… So Alice met a guy a few weeks back.. They got into talking and he somehow let slip that he was single and looking.. Alice was single and not looking so she was just talking and being nice to the guy.. They exchanged very few SMSs after their meeting, 4-5 per week mostly.. So yesterday Alice gets a call from his number and a girl talks and she claims to be his girlfriend and he had just dumped her for Alice… So that girl was all tears and asking Alice to stay away from the guy…
Alice comes and talks to me about it and has some questions which she would like answered.. I am a liberalist and I give my views on her questions one basic question nagging her is why did the guy lie… Here it goes,
Alice: Is it a shame if we have a boyfriend or girlfriend?? Why people hesitate or don’t feel like tellin d truth? Or is it a cheap thing to have one?
Me: It can be many reasons… They might not be sure themselves.. They might be just doing “time-pass”.. They might not be happy with it… etc etc..
Al: Hmmm.. I’m seein only time-pass here.. In many cases.. If they’re not happy with it then why cant they talk and go their ways.. Cheating someone like dat is killin dat person.. He did dat with her!
Me: Hey come on nobody knows how a relationship will be before they enter it.. It might turn sour for any reason.. And especially nobody knows how to end it…
Al: So you start a relationship, if u don’t like it in d middle, jus ‘keep’ it aside without doin anythin or solving d problem n start searchin for a new one hoping that it’l work out.. If not repeat d cycle.. Is that it? Wat’l happen of d other one who still believes her or him..?
Me: The problem is that we don’t understand the concept of dating… First of all neither party should take it too seriously.. First you meet, you date for a while to see if you’re compatible then you can break up amicably if you can’t continue seeing each other.. If you like it, then you commit to become boyfriend-girlfriend… Here its directly boyfriend-girlfriend and then marriage or death…
Me: Some things we should learn from the west … Marriages are as sacred there as here, but nobody cares there… At least we could learn from them how to get in..
Al: People get bored of each other after some days or years or decades.. thats d point here..
Me: Well that is obviously true.. So do you want to BLAME the guy or the gal or both for that?
Al: Both or girl or boy.. I don’t agree with your western thing..
Me: So you think the first person you “fall in love” is your perfect match? There are millions of ppl in the world, so what are the odds of finding your match in your first attempt…? If anybody can be that sure they can win lottery any time… Do the math.. Nobody even buys the 1st underwear they see..
Al: So is it d same thing as selecting your clothes..? If you don’t find d right fit then wil u go on searchin for it until you die..? U’l stay nude forver.. U have to adjust with somethin.. No couple’s a perfect couple..:) nobody can be happy with only one person throughout his life, that I know… Still trying so many’s not a good idea…
Me: I’m not talking about perfect matches… There has to be some degree of match… How will i get to know if a girl is for me if i don’t spend some time with ger.. That spending time together to get to know each other is what is called dating and that doesn’t exist here…
Al: Yes but jus for example why do people get divorced in west..? I don’t understand.. When they date, they would’ve chosen d right one right? then why do they think of breakin their marriages? Everything’s in us..
Me: Well that’s where they went wrong.. We should learn from their mistake there… A marriage is sacred institution and it should not be desecrated.. One precaution we can take is to marry only when we are sure, instead of the first girl/guy who says I love you… I’m not saying love at first sight doesn’t exist, that’s an extreme case which also involves some dating thingy.. All I’m saying is that commitment should come after getting to know each other instead of the other way round… Of course after commitment there is no way out without a lot of pain…
Al: Who’l think like us..? Who’l let me choose?? I’l have 3 or 4 options given by my parents! I’l have to choose in that.. This topic’s good for discussion but not practical.. V have to go with d life how it goes..
Me: Well its a slow process my dear… Same case here.. The least you can do is to give to your children what you wanted from your parents…
That’s that… Just to give the issue some closure from my side I will continue talking a little longer..
We still live in our past glory as a civilization and tend to be uptight about social practices and traditions.. We need to loosen up a little for the better.. I can argue that I have stayed single only because I am scared of what will happen if I genuinely want to get out of a relationship.. Most of us get too emotional right away and that leads to grief eventually.. Knowing that neither party is too serious about what might happen in the future, you can be a little more open and develop something.. Here the only way to start dating is by saying “I love you” otherwise you will be just friends and then its more awkward to move up to boyfriend-girlfriend from just friends..
I am not saying date tonnes and have sex with all of ‘em like what might happen in the west… That I have to make very clear.. Adopt the good parts… Grow up.. Don’t cry your heart out or get depressed after a break up.. Be glad it did break up, cos otherwise you might have committed yourself in a bad marriage or something.. Be glad it ended before something serious happened.. At the same time you have to be aware of some monkeys trying to take you for a ride… Such monkeys exist even now… At least the way I am suggesting will keep you less attached to the monkey when you eventually break up and lesser grief..
Be cautious, tread slow and mainly- don’t jump into anything!
P.S.: As always I have a postscript, simply because I love bringing in the essence of a handwritten letter into whatever I write and P.S. I Love You is one of my favorite movies…:) Well the point I want to make here is this – i have typed the conversations verbatim from my phone in-box and so please ignore the grammar or spelling mistakes in them… I think the language is way better than what we might have seen from some ppl using all sorts of short forms for everything.. My request to them is to not kill the language… Peace..
Looking for your comments